An Internet Guide for The Internet Illiterate

By Matthew

!DISCLAIMER!

The following guide is targeted towards mature audiences. Extreme language will be used.

Most of the images included in this guide are edited. If an image is fake it will be labelled as such.

The images used do not represent my views. I used them for emphasis/prove a point about something internet related.

Understanding the Nature of the Internet

You are probably reading this because you wish to get into the internet. Perhaps  you want to use it to connect with your family overseas or maybe you just heard a term you don’t know and you want to figure out what it means.

This is a great guide to understand the basics of the internet. It tells about what to do in certain situations as well as terms and acronyms that you might come across.

A few things to keep in mind when going through the internet.

• There is someone out there who will spite you, with “Because Fuck You” as a reason.
• Anything a professional does for a living, someone on the internet will do for fun.
• The internet gets its power from being underestimated.

Various Social Media Platforms

Facebook – Follow Friends and Family

• Great place to connect with friends and family online
• Community based. You often follow people you personally know
• You can join groups of people that share an interest

Instagram – Follow Interesting People

• Great place to follow people/friends online
• People oriented. You follow an individual and what they post appears on your “feed”

Twitter* – Follow Famous People

• Great place to follow people (celebrities, politicians, etc)
• People oriented. Similar to instagram, except posts are mainly text based

Reddit* – Follow A Topic

• Customize your experience by following “subreddits” devoted to a specific topic
• Topic oriented. You follow a “subreddit” dedicated to a topic. Multiple people can post on a subreddit and the top posts on the subreddit will appear in your feed
• You can also explore a subreddit related to something you are interested in to learn more about it

YouTube – Follow A Creator

• Used to find and watch videos
• Useful to find tutorials on subjects
• People oriented. You subscribe to a Youtuber and their videos will appear in your feed
• Videos can range in quality from well-executed animation to crappy edits.

*Both Twitter and Reddit can be quite hostile. Be careful when using them and try to stick to following specific people/subreddits that are tame (for example: avoid following people with strong political views or political subreddits).

What to do Guide

Common situations you might find yourself in.

When You Receive an Email about Your Account

You have just received the following email (fake).

1. DO NOT CLICK THE LINK
   1. This is the worst mistake you could make. Scammers and hackers often hide viruses in the links of an email. While the link may look safe and secure, it is not.
   2. When you copy and paste a link, you can actually change what is displayed. For example, if you click this text, you will be sent to a youtube video about how to code in C++. If you hover your cursor over the link without clicking on it, the actual link will appear in the corner of your screen.
      
      1. You can test both of these links on your computer. The link appears to be to the Google Support page while the actual link takes you to a Metallica song on Youtube.
2. Think Slowly
   1. You might think that this security threat requires your immediate attention. However, freaking out will work against you.
3. Re-Read the Email
   1. Try to look for things that look legitimate and things that give the scam away.
      1. If you have received a legitimate email from the company, compare the two. Minor differences truly give it away. For example, Google always sends you an alert when someone logs into your account. The emails are always titled Security Alert. Emails from a major company are almost always identical.
   2. Check for Spelling Errors.
      1. The greatest give away of them all. Professionals don’t have spelling errors. This applies to both companies and scammers.
   3. Check The Company Website.
      1. Without clicking the link, go to Google and search up the company in question. If this is a wide-spread issue, there will be news articles about it.
      2. If you don’t see any news articles. Log into your account. If there has been a security breach you should get a warning when you log into your account. If you do not get a warning, the email is likely fake.
   4. Check the email address of the sender.
      1. If the email address does not match who they claim to be then the email is fake. You can compare the email addresses listed on the company’s website (usually near the bottom of the page) to the address of the sender.
      2. Sometimes, smaller companies use obscure email addresses. For example, I received an email from a smaller SONY subsidiary about a Terms and Privacy Policy change. The reply email was a weird collection of characters and numbers and the sending email started with funstuff@em.[company name]. The lack of formality of the email address and the em after the @ made me worry. However, after following the steps listed above, I discovered that the email was legitimate.
   5. Delete the email if you think it is a scam.

  When You See an Alarming Fact on the Internet

You are scrolling through the internet when you see the following (fake).

1. DO NOT CLICK THE LINKS
   1. These types of articles have alarming titles to draw people in. Sometimes these links will redirect you to a sketchy website.
2. Assume the information is false.
3. Google Search what you want to know and find a trusted news article to verify.

TIPS

• – If the article is claiming that someone important has died, check Wikipedia. Wikipedia editors have a reputation of updating Wikipedia pages in record time. During the Notre Dame fire, the wikipedia page read “It is currently on fire”. 

When You See Something Offensive on the Internet

You are scrolling through the internet when you see the following posts (fake).

1. Decide if you simply disagree with the post.
   1. People are allowed to have opinions, even if you disagree with them. The John Cena tweet is completely acceptable as it merely states an opinion about a heavily debated subject. It does not actually cause any harm.
   2. If you disagree with something you can either ignore it (good) or argue about it with strangers online (bad). See Arguing with Strangers.
   3. Consider also if the post is spreading misinformation. If it is then it is worth reporting, however make sure you do research and find trustworthy articles that could be used as evidence.
2. If someone said the same thing on the street, would you call the police for hate speech?
   1. To do this you must identify two things: Level of severity and level of impact.
      1. Level of severity is the type of language used. The Ninja tweet is offensive as it targets a specific group of people. Although  the wording is not that severe.
      2. Level of impact is the content/implications behind the words. This is often the most important factor to consider. The Ninja tweet expresses a hatred of Snoop Dogg fans which, while mean, is not as impactful as something like racism.
   2. Report the post.
      1. If you believe the level of impact and severity are high enough to qualify the post as hate speech, report it.
      2. Someone will look over the post and decide whether it violates the website’s rules. If they agree with you, then the post will likely be removed. If they do not agree with you, then it will not be removed.

TIPS:

• – For more information about hate speech, please see the following links:
  • – https://www.bbc.com/news/technology-56100079
  • – https://help.twitter.com/en/rules-and-policies/hateful-conduct-policy
  • – https://www.bbc.com/news/technology-48037482
  • – https://www.cfr.org/backgrounder/hate-speech-social-media-global-comparisons
  • – https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2018/11/30/how-online-hate-speech-is-fueling-real-life-violence/

When You Want to Argue with Strangers Online

You see the following post and decide that you want to argue with this person about it (fake).

1. Reconsider.
   1. The best piece of advice is to think twice before arguing.
2. Decide if the topic is a good one to argue about.
   1. Good Topics: Grilled Cheese, Pineapple on Pizza, Favourite TV Shows, French Toasting Pizza
   2. Bad Topics: Religion, Abortions, Political Views
3. Be Reasonable.
   1. Don’t say something that you wouldn’t say to a friend or family member.
   2. Fuck off is a perfectly acceptable thing to say.
4. Set Your Expectations Really Low.
   1. You are unlikely to change someone’s opinion online.
   2. You can never win. The other person always has the option of saying “Fuck you, you’re wrong” and turning off their phone.
5. Have Fun!
   1. It is highly unlikely that the other person is taking the argument seriously. Even if they are, they are likely doing it because they enjoy arguing.
   2. The best way to deal with this is to make sure you are having fun. Otherwise you will only be wasting your time.

Arguing Tips:

Avoid Spelling Mistakes

Spelling mistakes are often seen as a sign of stupidity and will often invalidate your entire argument.

TIPS:

• – IMPORTANT! Do not argue with posts you find offensive. Either ignore them or report them (if they are severe enough). 

Someone Just Told You to Search Something

You are scrolling through the internet when you see the following post (fake).

1. DO NOT SEARCH
   1. These posts are often baiting an unsuspecting viewer into searching up something disturbing.
2. Look at the comments.
   1. Often, if the post is a trap, there will be a comment explaining what the trick is.
3. DO NOT LOOK AT IMAGES
   1. If you can’t suppress your curiosity, search it up and avoid looking at images. One way to do this is add the word “meaning” after your search to find words rather than pictures.

TIPS:

• – What do you think you will see if you search up “mountain chicken”? Try it. Is it what you expected?
• – When trying to figure out the trick, think abstractly. Can the search term be related to anything sexual or vulgar? Is the claim or search term seemingly random? Is the search term and the claim only loosely connected or missing a keyword? For example, “Mountain Chicken” is missing the keyword “Murderous” when compared to the claim, “Murderous Chickens in Mountains”.
• – These tricks almost always tell you exactly what to search up. The reason for this is that they know that only certain keywords will bring up what they want. For example, the keyword “Alligator” brings up pictures of alligators while “Gator” brings up pictures of all terrain vehicles.

TERMS

F / Fs in the Chat

This term/letter means to pay respect. It is used everywhere around the internet. It originates from a video game which had the instructions “Press F to pay respects” appear on screen.

This is a common term that has become quite flexible. Fs in the Chat is a saying which would be equivalent to a moment of silence for someone. While someone might say in “Can we have a moment of silence for _____” in real life, someone on the internet might say “Can we have some Fs in the chat for ______”.

oof / bruh

These are both responses. The uses of these words is often  limitless because they lack a clear purpose or meaning (unlike F which is used for respect). These terms are mainly used to carry conversations or when you can’t think of a response.

Oof is more used for negative news while bruh can be used for anything. Please be warned that overuse of bruh and oof will cause your contribution to the conversation to drop. This might cause you to sound boring, uninterested, or stupid.

Karen / Boomer / Ok Boomer

These two terms are really similar and are used in similar contexts.

The terms Karen and Boomer have made the news as people began to complain about them. While a Karen is typically depicted as an entitled, white, Christian, middle class, woman with a specific hairstyle, a Karen can be of any race, age, gender and religion. The same applies to Boomers. A Boomer is traditionally a baby boomer however it now represents closed minded and old individuals. Boomers are traditionally blamed for ruining/not caring about the environment, ruining the economy, and not caring about the younger generations. Most politicians are Boomers.

A Karen does not need to be called Karen!

A Boomer does not need to be a baby boomer! 

A Karen is a person who meets some of the following criteria:

• – Asks to see the Manager (KEY CHARACTERISTIC)
• – Easily offended
• – Feels a sense of entitlement
• – Racist
• – Anti-Vax
• – Flat Earther
• – Find the term Karen offensive

A Boomer is a person who meets some of the following criteria:

• – Looks down on the younger generation
• – Can’t use technology
• – Closed minded
• – Sexist
• – Racist
• – Anti-Environment
• – Find the term Boomer offensive
• – Uses the term “Special Snowflakes” for younger generations

Please note: There are good and bad Boomers. Being called a Boomer might simply refer to a lack of technological ability or understanding. This guide is meant to help these types of Boomers (although it can also help others as well). Being called a Boomer because of a closed minded  attitude is much worse and often an indication that you are being offensive or stubborn.

Being called a Karen is an insult and many people find it horribly offensive. Most of the people who find it offensive qualify as Karens. Few of these people are actually named Karen. A Karen is simply a term for a certain kind of asshole. If you are called a Karen, the best thing you can do is avoid arguing against it. If you are offended by being called a Karen and express that, you are digging your own grave. If you say that you find the term Karen offensive, you automatically qualify as a Karen. Trying to argue that you find the term Karen offensive would be the same as trying to argue that you are not fat while you are eating at an all-you-can-eat buffet . It doesn’t matter whether you start out fat, if you eat for long enough you will eventually be fat. The same concept applies to the term Karen. The longer you fight against the term, the more you prove your opponent correct.

The term Boomer is slightly different. While it is similarly pointless to argue against it, the main reason for this is the existence of the phrase “Ok Boomer ” which is used to dismiss anything a Boomer says. This phrase came about after a constant barrage of hypocritical boomer remarks.

The classic example of this is the rotary phone. The younger generations are often mocked for their inability to use old devices like the rotary phone or fax. Yet when it comes to modern day technology, the Boomers often have to heavily rely on the younger generation. IT IS GOOD TO RELY ON THE YOUNGER GENERATIONS. TRY YOUR BEST TO LEARN FROM THEM. The difference between the two situations is that old devices like the rotary phone or fax are completely out of date and useless while modern day technology is essential to current life. This is why the younger generations get tired of being mocked for their inability to perform useless tasks.

The best thing you can do as someone who doesn’t understand technology is to be patient and grateful to those who are helping you. If you are reading this guide, you will likely be called a Boomer at some point in your life. Do not take offence. Instead, try to learn and improve your ability with technology. If you are being called a Boomer because of your attitude, take some time to reflect and think about how your actions might be harming the younger generations.

simp

The term simp originally referred to a guy who would do anything for a girl. Dr. John Seward and Quincey Morris from Braum Stoker’s Dracula are excellent examples of simps, although they would fall on the less “thirsty” side of the spectrum.

*The term thirsty means sexually interested in something or desiring of something*

Like all terms on the internet, the term simp can be applied to anything and anyone. For example; worker ants can be called simps for their queen, a guy can be a simp for his girlfriend. Simp can also be used as a verb (I am simping, she simped).

The best kinds of simps are those who respect others and the person they are simping for. Many simps care for the person they are simping for. Unfortunately this  is not always the case. Simps can also fall under the “THIRSTY” category. These are simps who are obsessed with the person they are simping for and this obsession overcomes everything else. Often these simps are driven by sexual desire. A simp for a celebrity might send money to that celebrity in hopes of receiving inappropriate photos or some other compensation. Such simps might simp for multiple people. The line between simp and stalker/creep eventually blurs and it is important to recognize how this affects the term simp.

There are respectable simps like Quincey Morris, who care for others, and there are disgusting simps, who exhibit stalking behaviours. It is important to understand the context of the situation when deciding how insulting the word simp is.

clickbait / bait

A term associated with Youtube although  it can be used elsewhere. Clickbaits are things that draw you into a video or article using misleading information. They “bait” or trick you into clicking on it.

Common tactics of clickbait are the following:

• – Outrageous titles or images.
  • – Titles like “GET RICH FAST!!!”, “100 Things you never knew your fridge could do!” and “I stole a phone from STEVE JOBS!?!?! (GONE SEXUAL)” are all examples of clickbait titles.
  • – If the title is a sentence fragment, it is likely clickbait.
  • – Images may include (but not limited to): shocked youtuber face, giant red arrows and circles, sexual things, something pixelated
• – The Term (NOT CLICKBAIT).
  • – Anything with (NOT CLICKBAIT) in the title is clickbait.
• – Longer than usual videos.
  • – Youtubers will often say, “stick around to the end of the video to find out _____”. This is a tactic to get more ad revenue.

TIPS:

• – Most (practically all) Youtubers do this. It is not limited to a unique branch of Youtuber.
• – If they can use boobs/crotch area as the image, they will. If they don’t, it is either because something is censored or they found something even more outrageous to use. Note: half clothed guys/girls can also be used as a substitute.

EXAMPLES OF CLICKBAIT

*Disclaimer*

I have not watched all of these videos. At most I skimmed them to get an idea of the content.

I do not endorse/support any of these Youtubers . These images were found after about 20 minutes of scrolling through Youtube’s trending.

Clickbait does not impact the quality of the video.

If the video is shit, having a clickbait thumbnail will not fix it.

ALL OF THE FOLLOWING IMAGES ARE REAL AND UNEDITED

(Population statistics are found from worldometers)

PewDiePie (109 million subscribers, about the population of the Philippines or the total number of COVID-19 cases as of 15/2/21)

• – 8/10 video titles are in all caps.
• – Words like GREATEST, WORLDS MOST OFFENSIVE, BANNED FROM KIDS, OF ALL TIME, and DONT PLAY stand out.
• – The DELETING MY CHANNEL video has him deleting his second channel after he made a video promising to delete his channel at 50 million subscribers.

Ali-A (17.5 million subscribers, about the population of Syria)

• – 12/14 videos have his face in the thumbnail. He only makes 7 separate faces. He reuses one face 4 times.
• – Some words are CAPITALIZED and others use *asterisks* to highlight them.
• – Words like HACKER, WINNING, NEW SECRET, and LEGENDARY stand out.

Logan Paul (22.8 million subscribers, about the population of Taiwan)

• – In all caps. Uses double asterisks.
• – Uses the words Gone Sexual.
• – Half-naked man and woman.
• – Giant red arrow with text.
• – Out of the 15 minutes, it takes them 7 minutes to get to the beach and the dog (Kong) spends no more than 3 minutes in the water before they leave the beach. *Disclaimer* I only skimmed the video so my estimates may be off.

Elisabeth Rioux (265 thousand subscribers, about the 4.5 times the population of Greenland)

• – Vague shadow. Singer is in all caps.
• – What is really interesting here is the video description (underneath the title). “Usually I’d link his songs but now you need to watch the video to discover who it is !!!” shows how committed this YouTuber is to the clickbait. Of course, they link the artist in the comment section so it defeats the point.

Acronym List

Some of the acronyms you might hear used around the internet.