4 Importance of Reviewing and Editing your Writing
4.1 How to Analyze a Introduction Section
Reviewing your work then editing it is important no matter if it is writing for the Humanities or the Sciences if you want to obtain high grades in school. The professional writing skills you learn in University are key to your future success in the professional world. In this section we will be learning to assess writing quality.
Please review the the example Introduction sections (A & B), which demonstrate effective and ineffective writing of an Introduction. Read both sections, then answer the questions that follow the examples. Please note that neither example is a perfect version however one is significantly better than the other.
Example Introduction A
Lab Experiment:
The Effect of Soil Moisture on Rate of Movement in Red Earthworms (Lumbricus rubellus)
Earthworms (Order Oligochaeta) are annelid worms that live and burrow in moist soil rich in decaying organic matter (Karaca, A. 2013). These detritivores are found in nearly every terrestrial habitat and greatly influence soil ecology (Karaca, 2013). They have bristles (setae) along their body, which allow them to crawl through the soil via the peristaltic contractions of their body segments (Reece et al., 2017). They require moist soil to facilitate gas exchange as they lack specialized respiratory organs such as lungs, rather exchanging gases via diffusion through moist skin (Shakir and Dindal, 1997; Reece et al., 2017).
Earthworms play a critical role in the soil ecosystem by participating in nutrient cycling and their burrows influence soil structure by improving water permeability and aeration (Perreault and Whalen, 2006). Different species of earthworms burrow through different soil layers: epigeic species crawl through the top soil strata, endogeic species burrow in the humic and mineral soil layer, while anecic species inhabit vertical burrows deep in the soil (Eijsacker, 2011).
Earthworm burrows support a diverse community of microfauna (Perreault & Whalen, 2006). The feces or casts excreted by earthworms are rich in microorganisms because the soil they ingest is inoculated as it passes through the digestive tract of the worm (Edwards, 2010). As such, any change in the movement of earthworms may influence the creation of burrows and ultimately soil ecology by altering the structure, nutrient availability, microfauna diversity, and microorganism activity of the soil.
Perreault and Whalen (2006) found that the burrowing activity of the endogeic earthworm Aporrectodea caliginosa and the anecic earthworm Lumbricus terrestris was influenced by soil temperature and moisture. They found there was less burrowing, but more weight gain and surface castings produced in wetter soil than in drier soil, suggesting that these worms were burrowing less, but feeding more in wetter soils (Perreault & Whalen, 2006).
The purpose of this lab is to see if the moisture content of soil affects the rate of movement (cm/minute) of the epigeic earthworm Lumbricus rubellus (red earthworm). The null hypothesis is percent soil moisture content (PMC) will have no effect on the movement rate (cm/minute) of red earthworms (Lumbricus rubellus). The alternative hypothesis is percent soil moisture content (PMC) will have an effect on the movement rate (cm/minute) of red earthworms (Lumbricus rubellus). We predict that similar to the findings of Perreault and Whalen (2006) the rate of movement of Lumbricus rubellus will increase in drier soils.
References
Edwards, C. A. (2010). Earthworms. Retrieved from https://www.nrcs.usda.gov/wps/portal/nrcs/detailfull/soils/health/biology/?cid=nrcs142p2_053863
Eijsackers, H. (2011). Earthworms as colonizers of natural and cultivated soil environments. Applied Soil Ecology, 50, 1-13.
Karaca, A. (2013). Biology of Earthworms. Springer.
Perreault, J. M. & Whalen, J. K. (2006). Earthworm burrowing in laboratory microcosms as influenced by soil temperature and moisture. Pedobiologia, 50, 397-403.
Reece, J. B., Urry, L. A., Cain, M. L., Wasserman, S. A., Minorsky, P. V., Jackson, R. B., Rawle F. E, Durnford, D. G., Moyes, C. D., Scott, K., & Walde, S. J. (2017). Campbell biology (Second Canadian Edition). Pearson.
Shakir, S. H. & Dindal, D. L. (1997). Density and biomass of earthworms in forest and herbaceous microecosystems in in Central New York, North America. Soil Biology & Biochemistry, 29, (3-4) 275-285.
Now review the second sample of writing below.
Example Introduction B
Lab Experiment:
The Effect of Soil Moisture on Rate of Movement in Red Earthworms (Lumbricus rubellus)
Introduction
Earthworms are worms that borrow and are detritivores (animal that feeds on dead plants). They’re nearly three thousand species of earthworms living in different terrestrial habitats (Karaca, A.). Earthworms are tube-shaped and feed on dead organic matter especially plants. “They are segmented worms, bilaterally symmetrical, with an external gland (clitellum) for producing the egg case (cocoon), a sensory lobe in front of the mouth (prostomium), and an anus at the end of the animal body, with a small number of bristles (setae) on each segment.” (Jorge Dominguez and Clive A. Edwards, 2010). They are coelomes, have a closed circulatory system, and bristles along their body to help them move around and find food (Campbell et al, 2017). They conduct respiration through their skin (wiki, n.d.). Earthworms burrow through in different soil layers and create casts making soil healthy. Earthworms need moisture to breathe and “breathe threw their skin”. Perreault and Whalen studied earthworms and saw less burrowing of earthworms as the soil got wetter, but the worms ate more. We predict earth worms will move less and eat more like in the study. We are completing this amazing lab experiment for students to get an idea of how to use the scientific method to study earthworms and see if the water makes earthworms move less or more. The null hypothesis is soil wetness will have no change on the movement of red earthworms (lumbricus Rubellus). The alternative hypothesis is wetness will increase the movement of red earthworms.
Refferences
Campbell et al, (2017). Campbell biology (Second Canadian Edition). Pearson.
Karaca, Anna (2013). Biology of Earthworms. Berlin: Springer.
Faculty of Science and Horticulture. (2018). Biology 1110: Introduction to Biology I (Fall 2018 ed.). Kwantlen Polytechnic University Bookstore.
After reading the two examples above, what conclusions do you draw about the best way to present the purpose of a study?
To answer this question, reference the 2 examples (Example A and Example B), while working through this quiz:
4.2 Present your Findings Scientifically
Presenting your experimental findings requires the appropriate level of formality, as well as attention to the academic conventions for scientific papers and formal lab reports such as APA Style Citations. Thus, it is important to edit your work after you write the first draft. You want to review the assignment guidelines and rubric to ensure you are meeting the marking criteria of the assignment then edit your work appropriately.
Here are some of the key presentation items an instructor is looking for in the presentation of any section of a formal lab report, not just the Introduction section:
- Sentences are clear and spelling/grammar are correct.
- Ideas are well organized and easy to follow. Each paragraph flows into the next in a logical order.
- Section headings are present when appropriate. Note all sections of a lab report require a section heading with the exception of the Introduction section according to APA Style rules.
- Double spaced; paragraphs are correctly formatted (indent first line).
- Includes only relevant background information; and appropriate level of detail. Clear and concise.
- Uses an appropriate level of formality for an academic scientific paper.